The Funny Thing About Prayers….

In the past I have prayed this prayer:

God, please help me to be a better father. Also, please help my child to be more obedient and kind and loving. Give me patience and gentleness and compassion and understanding and self-control—especially over my anger—and help me to be a better reflection of Christ in my life so my kids can look at me and see the virtues of my Savior throughout my deeds and behavior.

At the time, I thought it was an awesome prayer. Somehow, God was going to imbue me with a self-control I have never before experienced. I will soon—with God’s grace—have my prayers answered and be well positioned to serve God flawlessly. If things went according to this prayer, then Jesus himself could look at me and think he was looking at his own reflection. Ha! Yeah, right. Can you guess how God chose to answer this prayer?

Apparently God chose to not zap me with sudden patience. Or gentleness. Or compassion. Or understanding. And definitely not self-control. He sent me challenges, instead. And these challenges weren’t easy ones that could be quickly overcome. They were long and grueling and wore on my patience until I thought I had none left to give. He sent me a beautiful child that was determined to show me how much I didn’t know—full of antics that made me want to climb up a wall and holler at the top of my lungs out of frustration. In my professional life, I had been in charge of teams of people that only needed the right leader to coax excellence through proper motivation, rewards, and discipline. But when it came to raising my child, it was painfully obvious that I was not going to win the Father of the Year award.

God destroyed my notions of how to gain the respect and loyalty of those left in my care. I soon faced my greatest challenge in the form of a strong-willed child that is never wrong and never backs down from an argument. Learning gentleness is not achieved by quietly meditating about the philosophical concept of being gentle under pressure. It is learned and refined under fire. A person grows from the challenges they overcome.

Learning compassion for another who is struggling to succeed and be heard and be understood is not gleaned from reading a book about it. It is learned when the spirit of the one I love depends on me knowing how to become vulnerable. Tons of communication failures and elevated emotional breakdowns taught me that I must be willing to express compassionate love and understanding in a moments notice.

Simple challenges in life have simple solutions. Extremely difficult and cumbersome challenges require more time and attention and effort before any light can be seen at the end of the tunnel. What is a grown man supposed to do when childhood tensions arise and the world appears to be coming to an end before 8am? Well, it took me innumerable failures to realize I must ease whatever is causing the tension before anyone is able to move on. Ignoring the problem obviously does not make it go away. Strained relationships must be healed through humility and forgiveness.

So how could God possibly answer my prayer to have more self-control over my anger by blessing me with a child that constantly argues and insists on being correct even when wrong and frustrates me until I feel angry? I had to learn patience. I had to learn self-control. It was very gradual and I prayed about it constantly. It’s still a work in progress, but I am making headway.

Remember that prayer from earlier? I revisited it. Now, when I get on my knees and speak to God, this is what I say:

God, I remember when I asked you to help me become more patient and give me more self-control. I also asked for compassion and patience and gentleness. Thank you for giving me all of those.

As I asked you to make me a better father, you chose to use my fatherhood to teach me patience and gentleness and understanding and self-control—all things that I asked you to bless me with. It’s like a man who’s given a fish versus a man who is taught to fish. You did not want to give me anything I asked you for because you wanted me to learn how to give it to myself.

You gave me a child that I love with all my heart—which made me willing to do whatever it took to change who I was to be a better father. God, I know many of the answers are still in the process of being answered because I still have many things to learn. I also asked you to give me a child that was obedient and loving and kind—and I see that this is happening more and more as I have more patience and gentleness and self-control as a father. One part of my prayer answered the other part. Thank you again for all your blessings.

So, in a very funny way, had I not asked God for patience or understanding or compassion or self-control, would God have given me a child that was immediately well-behaved and obedient and considerate of others without the need of me improving my father-skills? Who knows? I did learn that being a better father is a step closer to being a reflection of Christ to others. If anyone is reading this who is not a father, don’t worry too much. Pray about the things you need. God has a way of throwing challenges in your path that will encourage you to grow. He answers prayers in the most unexpected ways. It is beautiful to see how he works.