What if God’s plan unfolds and we don’t have the strength to endure? What if, instead of praying for someone to be delivered from their hardships, we instead pray for them to have the strength to endure? For example, can you imagine someone saying they will not pray for you to be delivered from your hardships? Stick with me on this. I know it sounds harsh, but much of the growth I’ve had in my life directly resulted from endurance of hardships. It needs to be communicated with tactfulness and gentleness, or not said at all. The point being made from the pray-“er” to the pray-“ee” is that the prayer said for them is actually to give that person strength and patience to bear the pains for as long as it is God’s will that those pains be present. It will take reflection to understand the meaning behind that statement of prayer. Receptive ears to hear, versus resistant ears that cannot understand.

“Much of the growth I’ve had in my life directly resulted from endurance of hardships.”

Life seldom works out the way we want it to. Even when we think we’ve had our prayers answered, we see them yanked away the very next moment. What if the hardship is so severe that it causes a person’s faith to waver? I’d never tell a mother of a stillborn baby that it was God’s will and pray God gives her the strength to endure this tragedy He willed upon her. I’d never tell a man who is diagnosed with cancer that his suffering is for a greater unknown cause and it will likely make him stronger if it doesn’t kill him first. I’d never tell him that my prayer is not for his pains to cease, but for his strength of spirit to endure patiently as his family watches him waste away. That is not the kindness or gentleness Jesus exampled for us and commands us to have as his disciples. Colossians 3:12-13

Just deserts versus Just desserts

It’s not the fault of the sufferer when they experience painful circumstances in their life just as it is not their fault they cannot perceive what is said when prayers are directed to them for strength and patience, not deliverance. Maybe “fault” is not the right word. Maybe circumstances were random—like a lightning bolt from the sky or a failing body. But what if it was bad decisions and unfaithfulness that led to the pain one may be experiencing? I think that this approach assigns the pain-bearer too much influence they have on their lives. Isn’t it just simple enough and accurate enough to say it was God’s will? “Just deserts” (punishment) can mean getting justice that one deserves, but as Christians, we strongly desire graceful “desserts” (rewards) we did nothing to deserve. We say we want justice as Christians, but do we really? We would be the first to be convicted.

“We say we want justice as Christians, but do we really? We would be the first to be convicted.”

Also, why do we tell others that they’re being prayed for? And if we choose to tell someone that they’re being prayed for, why do we tell them what is in the prayer? I used to keep my prayers to myself—even if they were for others—I would not share them. I’m a private man and Matthew 6:3 says that I should not let my left hand know what my right hand gives to the needy. I thought that justified my privacy very neatly. But upon further reflection, that would be treating the needy as if they were my other hand. That verse is commonly taken to mean that a person is not to show off their charity to others. The needy would not be others. They are the recipient of my prayers.

Later, I came to realize that when people had told me they were praying for me, it had lifted my spirits and gave me hope for a better tomorrow. When my faith was low, I felt prayers from anyone was a hollow sentiment, yet I still appreciated the sentiment nonetheless. At least they said something to me in kindness and empathy and sorrow that others I knew neglected to say—probably because they were being private, just like me. When time had passed and I thought about the outcome of my pains—and the people who had prayed for me—I realized that it was not my faith in their prayers that mattered. It was their faith in their prayers. It was their faith in the Creator that mattered most. As my youngest daughter said the other day, it’s not about me, it’s about God (2 Corinthians 3:5). If a little girl can understand this, then certainly her “old man” can begin to grasp that God will continue to operate with or without my consent or faith to do as He wills.

You can’t stop a prayer

With this in mind, I now understand the importance of sharing that you are praying for someone. It does not matter if they accept your prayers or want your prayers. It becomes an understood inability for a prayer recipient (the pray-ee) to stop any prayers from occurring. Can a man stop a wave from crashing on the beach? Can we stand in the face of a mighty wind and tell it, “I would rather it not be windy today,” and expect the wind to obey? There is an unspoken certainty when a person hears they are being prayed for, they know they cannot stop those prayers. Just as they cannot stop a wave or a wind—it is going to happen, so they have no alternative other than to allow your prayers to wash over them. (see The Funny Thing About Prayers….)

If God knows everything, why do we need Him to hear our prayers? Does it affect the outcome? I’d like to say it does. Even if that outcome is closer fellowship and a stronger relationship with God Himself. That is nothing to scoff at. If a person is being prayed for, why do we need them to hear that we are praying for them? I think the answer would be the same. It does affect the outcome even if that outcome is closer fellowship and a stronger relationship with that person. They feel lonely and helpless in their moment of pain. It’s okay to come alongside someone with prayer and empathy because it’s times like this that the devil will pounce. Matthew 26:41 says that we pray so that we can have the strength to avoid temptation.

“It’s okay to come alongside someone with prayer and empathy because it’s times like this that the devil will pounce.”

It is not for me to alleviate the pain someone else is feeling. I am not a doctor, but I am a man that knows how to pray, and I pray that God will give them the strength and patience to bear their pains for as long as God wills it—for I know that every painful situation in my life has made me stronger and more patient in my ability to bear any future pains God blesses me with. James 5:16 says that we should pray to heal one another. We must be able to see through our pains and give thanks and praise for the blessings they truly are. We are being prepared for something. We might not ever know what it is, but God does. He knows that right now we are not ready for whatever may come around the corner. If God has taken someone or something from our lives and we are experiencing a loss or God has given us a great burden or a cross that seems too heavy to bear, we can ask, “Why has God spared me? Why am I still here?”

Fellowship with God makes us stronger

The answer, I think, is to grow in our faith and fellowship with God so our strength lies not from within us, but wholly dependent upon God—and only God—in His grace. Never forget that God is a jealous God. If we were able to escape from our troubles on our own volition, we would cease to credit God with anything. That would be unacceptable. Too often we think tragedy has struck because of something we did. Too often we think that successes occur because of our great talents. Too seldom do we realize that no talent we have and no thing that we have done will ever give us anything that God did not already give us. The good we see today can turn out to have negative consequences later. The negative things we see today can turn out to have positive consequences later. When we are strong in our faith then we become strong in our trust in the Lord to be our lamp in the darkness. We would do well to follow where the light leads. (see What is Fellowship with God?)

In summary, be tactful when sharing with others that they are being prayed for. Not everyone is able to know the entire contents of a prayer—especially if it was not intended for their deliverance from pain. Some people can, just not everyone.