Crazy Love

“with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,”
Ephesians 4:2 ESV

Bearing With Someone vs Tolerating Someone

Bearing with one another sounds a lot different than tolerance. What does it matter if I say I am tolerating you versus I am bearing with you? Tolerance seems to mean that I am putting up with you and that I am ignoring your sinful nature and your bad behavior or your glaring struggles. When a person tolerates another person, they are not enduring the pains that others are going through. They’re not even aware of them most of the time. It’s like wanting to be able to stand in the same room without fighting with one another. That’s tolerance. When you go away, the need to tolerate goes away too.

“You cannot bear with someone without getting to know them”

But when a person is bearing with you, they take upon themselves some of the struggles you are going through the only way they know how—by getting to know you and understanding what it is you are struggling with. They help you lift some of the burden so that the load is not too heavy—not so crushing. You cannot bear with someone without getting to know them and building a relationship with them. You don’t need to know their favorite color or their hopes or their dreams—but you do need to know them well enough to understand if your efforts are helpful to lessen their burden.

In construction, a load bearing wall carries much of the weight so that the structure does not collapse. You have to know how the building is built to know where the weight lies. With people, you have to know where the weight is—what is it about their sinful nature could they use a hand with?

Load-Bearing Walls

You can only do this out of love. You won’t be taking the burden away from them by taking it upon yourself. It is their weight to carry but they don’t have to carry it alone. Bear with does not mean bear it all. The only reason to bear with one another is love. That’s crazy love. I can tell you, there is no sane reason for me to want to add to my own load the weight of someone else’s load unless I loved them. What makes me qualified, or able, to help carry someone else’s sins and suffering and sorrow? It is my faith in Jesus—which strengthens me to carry more than just my own burdens because Jesus is already bearing with me in order for me to bear with others.

When I bear with others in love, some of these people may leave my life just as quickly as they had entered it, but their burdens have not left my heart and I continue to bear with them through prayer after they have left. I was never looking to get along with others so that they could eventually move along. But I do know that God will call others to go elsewhere. The time I have with with the people I meet becomes precious. I want to get to know them well enough to remember them. It will likely be the last time I see them.

“The only reason to bear with one another is love. That’s crazy love”

My aim should be to build relationships with others who struggle, placing myself in a position to carry some of the weight that holds them down—to become a load bearing wall. I should also pour a strong foundation into our relationship by getting to know who they are and understanding what sins, sorrows, and attitudes pull them down. By sharing who they are and what they have done, they end up leaving some of their struggles behind. Building a structure like this takes time and there will eventually be many load bearing walls in people’s lives. These walls make bearable—but don’t take away—the crushing weight of their sins and their shame and their anger and their sorrows.

Relationships Become Firm Foundations

You know that firm foundation I poured into them by getting to know them? It should transform itself from being a relationship with me to being a relationship with Jesus—because as they get to know me, I should be reflecting Christ through my actions.

Now, with most of the framework completed on top of a strong foundation, the people I got to know—and who got to know Christ through me—should be able to walk around freely without worry of being crushed by the weight of their own sins. It’s a transformation of their lives from wallowing around in a vulnerable ash heap into confidently taking great strides in their new livable home.

Be A Loving Example

Their new home is far from completion, but the framework has been done and the foundation has been done—maybe even some of the plumbing and electric and some drywall. It doesn’t matter. Whatever was left incomplete can be completed later. The relationship was built. The love of Christ has been exampled for another person to witness. They can now take the love they have witnessed and experienced from you and give testimony to others. This is what bearing with others in love looks like. It is a lot different than tolerance.

“The love of Christ has been exampled for another person to witness”